Me and my big fat arse

September 8, 2012 § 18 Comments

An ‘Arse’ in Yorkshire, England, as seen on google maps

Before I start this post, I think I best create a mini glossary, as the writings herein will contain words that most, non British people will simply not understand:

Arse: The thing you sit on, also known vicariously as (in English, please insert other language versions as appropriate) posterior, bottom, bum and in North America…’fanny’. Note… Americans, some advise, never use the word ‘fanny’ when in the UK to describe an arse, because it means something completely different!

Knickers: Under garments worn by women to cover their arse

So there I was just finished showering and I tried to pull my knickers on and they didn’t fit me! My ginormous fat arse rejected them. It may be time for a pair of elasticated ‘granny knickers’.

ARGGGGGGGGGG

I can put up with the pain, cope with the exhaustion, ignore the rash, deal with the blurred vision and so on, but putting on weight…nooooooo!!!!!!!!

It’s those damned steroids again. I’ve put on at least 14Lbs (a stone, or 6.35 kilos) in weight in the last month and I’m now at the point where I’m too scared to go on the scales, so who knows how much I’ve really put on.

Thing is, I’ve always made sure I’ve stayed around the same size. I’m an average female, so my weight does fluctuate, but only a little. This, however, is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life and I do not like it, not at all.

I love clothes. I love them so much, it’s a hobby and a passion. I’ve got 2 wardrobes full of clothes and an overflow wardrobe and a rail with my oldest (true vintage now) items.

I love to wear them, touch them, have them. I love the fabric, I love the design. Now hardly any of them fit me and I’m extremely upset about it.

But I don’t want to go out and buy new clothes, because I feel fat and it just puts me off. My belly sits there looking up at me and laughing. My double chin, on my moonpig.com steroid face hangs down, mockingly. It’s horrible, this disease has taken my strength and now it’s removed my clothes (metaphorically…).

However, looking on the bright side, I could give Kim Kardashian a run for her money in the booty department and my swollen face does mean I have no wrinkles at all. So it’s not all bad.

Hmm in fact thinking about it, I prefer to think of myself as steroid induced bootylicious.

P.S. Sightings of my arse from space are grossly exaggerated!

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§ 18 Responses to Me and my big fat arse

  • Eve Maler says:

    You might be surprised at the appreciative looks you’ll get from the fellas for your newly pumped-up booty! And thongs work great for all sizes… πŸ™‚

    • susiemorrow says:

      LOL! You know, I actually don’t really mind it, I’ve always had a skinny one and it wasn’t very nice actually, a bit of ‘plump’ doesn’t do it any harm. But don’t thongs stick up your arse and get uncomfortable? (Visions of me pulling the thong bit out of my arse in public)

      • Eve Maler says:

        Uh, hopefully this isn’t TMI, but… They’re not uncomfortable at all, and actually I find that they’re much more forgiving of weight ups-and-downs than granny knickers! Less fabric that needs to stretch and all…

      • susiemorrow says:

        That’s it, I’m sold, but if I ever find myself pulling the ‘ol thingie out of my arsey in the public gaze, I’ll think of you LOL!!!! xxx

  • Tara says:

    I was glad for the clarification in the first paragraph Sus, as for a moment I presumed you were referring to Steve….

  • What can I say in a comment…I’m laughing too hard to think! You make me smile! πŸ™‚

  • jillinois says:

    LOL ! Yanks have arses also, and we’ve grown quite fond of the saying “Don’t get your knickers in a twist”. πŸ™‚

    I’ve been anti-thong since I heard they existed. Why not just get dental floss and some gauze? LOL I’d look like a hippo got bound around the middle and just fell over on its side.

    I hear ya on the steroids, but whaddya do? :/

    • susiemorrow says:

      Well Im glad you’ve embraced the arse, its a great word isn’t it. I can’t see us using ‘fanny’ in quite the same way though πŸ˜‰

      Nowt I can do about its expansion, them steroids may be evil, but they’re keeping me alive at the minute, well at least stopping my disease getting any worse

      • jillinois says:

        Fanny isn’t used that much anymore… either ass, arse, booty, ‘junk in the trunk’ (for the endowed), and other descriptive words- LOL.

        Yeah, gotta take the meds. I set my weekly meds up tonight, and am more and more horrified at the pile I chug down twice a day, and shots (insulin) I jab 4-6 times a day. But, gotta keep from biting the big one. πŸ™‚

      • susiemorrow says:

        …’Junk in the trunk’… LOL!!! I love that! You’ve got to hand it to Americans, you come up with THE best words and phrases.

        As for chugging down the meds, i feel the same, you sort of have to zone out to it otherwise you’d think about it and then, oh well, you really can’t think about it. At least I don’t have to inject ,myself, that would be difficult.

  • A few days ago, my 4-year-old stopped in the middle of the path at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum and called out oudly, “Mom! My underpants are up my butt!” And we had to do an emergency on-the-spot underpant-extraction maneuver. The great thing about a thong is that it’s already UP your butt. So you kind of get used it. :>

    • susiemorrow says:

      HA!!! That’s funny, you’ve got to love 4 year olds for their bluntness LOL!

      • 76sanfermo says:

        This conversation delights me………..(apart that I must look up in a dictionary a lot of words I ignore completely,being a foreigner) .I really admire your spirits and the way you deal with your situation! Let me add that I love you.

      • susiemorrow says:

        You’re English is pretty good – what is your first language? I am utterly ashamed to say I am rubbish at all languages and struggle with my own most of the time too. Thanks for saying that about my spirits, the are mostly up, I will at some point write a post about how I used to suffer from depression but this whole being really ill thing kind of puts that all into perspective for you. Now just looking at the feathers of a bird can make me sing.

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