Stones in the Road and Bloody Boulders on the Highway !!!!!!!

September 7, 2012 § 6 Comments

 Double Dear God, as my lovely co-blogger Sus would say – what a hell of a week !!!!!!!

In my last post I reflected on the  constant worry  and strain of having an anorexic daughter – the utter waste of the 18th year of a beautiful young girl’s life.    Between then and now I have spent most of the week at the hospital – not for me but for her.

Prior to my  post she  was already suffering a very severe bout of diarrhoea – had been for almost a week.  By last Sunday, having gone to the doctor several times and with no medication working, I took her to the hospital emergency department.  Down to 40 kilos – there was literally nothing of her but skin and bone – bones protruding through the skin. She was hunched over like an old woman with hardly enough strength to support herself upright. While her condition was obviously made worse by the diarrhoea, there is no doubt in my mind that this was a crisis point in her anorexia.  She simply had none of her own reserves to fall back on.    To cut a long story short she was admitted to hospital last Sunday and has since spent most of the week there, only coming home yesterday – still very, very thin but at least with no diarrhoea and more importantly,  a  genuine realisation (pray to God ) of the severity of her anorexic condition.  While I hope this realisation will last – there is no guarantee, anorexia is just the most  insidious illness, it eats away not just at the body but also the mind  !!!!!  In terms of me, having just had the one chemo treatment I took the risk of sitting in emergency and visiting the hospital numerous times during the week. What else was I to do???  I am just thankful we all got through it – chemo again next week so I guess the timing could have been worse.

So needless to say over the last week I have reflected on the blog Sus and I have set up – Stones in the Road taken from the same titled song by Mary Chapin Carpenter, nicely captures I think the determined attitude Sus and I have about managing our respective health issues with a view to getting on with our life.  But just when you think you have the stones pretty much under control it’s those bloody boulders that really take you off course when you least expect it – those are what you have to get over – no getting around them!!  More about stone sin the road another time – great song by the way !!!

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§ 6 Responses to Stones in the Road and Bloody Boulders on the Highway !!!!!!!

  • Bel says:

    Thanks for sharing Suz – I feel very humbled to be able to share your thoughts during this time. Love the blog love the blog xxx
    p.s. will text you tomorrow about maybe catching up in afternoon (pacing dependent)

  • jillinois says:

    It has to be incredibly frustrating to have a daughter who could do something about her illness (though it’s incredibly hard- I’ve been anorexic, and am not making light if it), and you being stuck with something that is life-threatening with such a huge desire to live well.

    My first thought about the diarrhea (US spelling- LOL) was sneaking laxatives. I used to do that. Or a lot of sugarless candy. The main sweeteners in many of those are sugar alcohols (can’t make someone drunk) that cause diarrhea in most people when more than a few are eaten. Same goes for sugar-free cough drops. They are sneaky ways to purge for those who have figured that out. (I discovered it almost literally by accident- it’s a powerful purge).

    I’m hoping your daughter will see how dangerous her condition is. It is an insidious illness, and it becomes the primary relationship (her and ED). ED doesn’t like anybody interfering, and does feel like someone else inside of the same mind, controlling everything. I’m sorry you’re both having to deal with it. 😦

    • suzmareeroche says:

      It is frustrating but more because it is such a waste of a beautiful life – or at the very least, the waste of a wonderful time in her life. She doesn’t use laxatives and is also not bulimic – thank God !!! Since getting home form hospital her eating has improved enormously. I think she got a real shock last week and started to understand the dangerous position she has put herself in. I think she really does want to get better – it is just a constant and difficult battle. i admire her insight in lots of ways – it’s just that the actual ‘doing’ is so much more difficult, especially when her self esteem and confidence falters. there is a long way to go but certainly over the last few days she has applied herself well and is already sounding and looking better. We just need to understand we are in for the long haul. Thanks for your interest – it’s also funny because is so many ways I care less about what is happening to me – and much more about what is happening to her and how it will potentially run her life.

      • jillinois says:

        You’re so right- being able to act on the information and insight she has is SO hard. It’s literally like having a dictator in one’s head that demands total devotion. I remember crying over having to eat one extra bean or curd of cheese; my ‘dictator’ said I’d had enough, and any more was failure.
        I’m glad she’s doing better after the diarrhea scare. It is a long battle. Even when I was able to keep moving forward, it took three years to be able to eat out with my coworkers or friends, and not feel like I’d been some disgusting pig.
        Something that I learned along my journey was that recovery doesn’t have to be perfect (something anorexics strive for), it doesn’t all have to happen at once- just has to keep moving forward one bite at a time. Some of my other posts talk more about this. It’s a terrifying time until the brain regains some nutrition that makes logic possible. You all are in my prayers.
        And, I understand about the diversion from self-interests when someone you love is struggling. Hugs to you- you’re going through so much your self right now. ❤

  • Amedar says:

    I just could not depart your web site prior to suggesting that I really loved the standard information an individual provide to your guests? Is going to be back ceaselessly to inspect new posts

  • malcolm says:

    Suz thank you for sharing.

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