NEVER…in a million years!

October 23, 2012 § 13 Comments

Flowers from my garden, that I used to be able to tend, but haven’t for the last year…Next year I WILL be able to

When I was in the hospital the other day, I was looking around at all the obviously ill people, and I thought, dear god I would

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS

have thought I’d become one of them, one of those ill people, people who look ill and weak, who hobble along because they are in pain, or have weakened muscles, or have tubes coming out of their noses, etc.

But I have, I’m one of those ‘ill people’ you see on hospital visits: Sometimes the whole horrible episode just HITS  you!

Then, the other morning, just for a couple of hours, I could almost taste better. It was like a brief glimpse at what I was, before…this ‘thing’ hit me, this alien thing, this disease, this interloper. It is not me, it is not who I am, but it feels sometimes that I am becoming it.

I have had symptoms for almost a year now and been very unwell since late April, which seems such a long time, but now I’m ready for better please.

Bring it on, enough is enough.

…Watch out non sickos…if it can happen to me, non smoker, fit and healthy, 30 years vegetarian…it can happen to you

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§ 13 Responses to NEVER…in a million years!

  • Iam Rising says:

    That’s right! Don’t identify with it! It’s not you but it wants you to think it is. Just get up. Just get up. Just get up.

    I’ve been a vegan for years, and I still feel half-alive. Sometimes the only thing that gets me up is: just get up. Just get up. Just. Get. Up.

    And never ever go to the hospital :P

    Much love to you!
    Rising

    • susiemorrow says:

      Rising, thats so true. I force myself to get up, to stay up. Its hard some days to do that, yesterday was a really bad day for example, but if you don’t it’s won and I’m not prepared to let the B%^&&&rd beat me – love back at ya, as thats the only thing that counts xxx

  • jillinois says:

    That is so true- nobody knows when they could end up with some disabling and life-altering illness. I tell all newbie nurses to get any and all disability insurance they can get- it’s a huge factor in having any sort of income (Social Security is minimal, and I don’t qualify for free medical- I pay out $500/MONTH in premiums and co-pays for medicines). No help with food. None of us ‘chronic disease folks’ ever imagined our lives like this :(

    • susiemorrow says:

      When I hear things like that I really appreciate the NHS. Thats a lot to find each month Jill :-(

      Yes, disability insurance and general health insurance is a must for anyone I reckon too, because you just never know and the last thing you need to worry about when you’re hit with something like this, is money – but of course, its probably the thing that is most likely to be affected

      • jillinois says:

        Very true. It’s so hard to figure out priorities with budgets- It’s a rare month when I can get the quality of food that is better for a diabetic. I get by, but it’s hard. I’m not starving by any means- but I’d rather have more fish (wild caught) and less canned chicken or tuna. But it could be worse :)

      • susiemorrow says:

        Its also hard to find the energy to cook too under these circumstances so you’ve got that to go against things too. xx

  • jillinois says:

    Yeah, doing any sort of prep for ‘real cooking’ is hard. I cubed up a chuck roast to put in the slow cooker (will do that later tonight). I pulled a muscle in my left shoulder blade area up to my neck (I’ve got several damaged discs) while at a memorial service for the woman who died a month ago… I had to leave early because of pain. Not gonna be cooking much the next few days. :(

    • susiemorrow says:

      Ironic isn’t it that when you most need good sustenance you can’t get it. Hope you’re shoulder heals quickly Jill :-(

      • jillinois says:

        It’s already doing better :) The stuff I put in the slow cooker turned out well ! I do like some of the frozen entrees available- those come in handy. There is one brand here that is only $1 each (not sure what that is in pounds/euros (which do you guys use in the UK?).

      • susiemorrow says:

        Im not even sure what a frozen entree is jill?

      • jillinois says:

        They’re things like pasta and sauces, meatloaf (think shepard’s pie that is firm, and the potatoes are on the side- loose description), rice with sauces…. all frozen in individual portions :) There are also ‘dinners’ with the entree, veggie, and dessert in a ‘tray’…. they were originally developed at the beginning of TV, and called TV Dinners, to be eaten on small tray tables in front of the TV, so as not to miss any good programs ! :)

      • susiemorrow says:

        Oh OK, I know what you mean now. Yes we do have them, but not as cheap as that!

      • jillinois says:

        Most of ours aren’t…but there is one brand, and the stuff isn’t too bad ! :)

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